Of Falling Down and Getting Back Up
by Moomoogirl1
Summary: She had always had feelings for him but that didn't stop her from setting them up. Now when Botan hears Yusuke's marriying Keiko she wishes she hadn't. ONESHOT.


Hey there. The name's Moomoogirl. Nice to meet you! Anyways where did I come up with this story? I do not know. I guess it was always in the back of my head. Anyway I hope you do enjoy.

I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho okay. Tough I really really wish that I could own Kurama but that's just life for you.

It had been a really hard day for Botan. A really hard one.

Anyone else would have thought otherwise. There had been flowers. There had been the fancy cake and the shimmering decorations. There was the bride and the groom.

There were times when she thought these feelings were ridiculous. Why she had practically played matchmaker for the two.

They were her friends. It was obvious they had feelings for each other. Even tough he could not be around all the time she him supported all the way, even from afar.

They were childhood friends. She stood by him when he really didn't have any friends and he protected her. So Botan couldn't help but get the two together.

At the cost of her own feelings.

Yes she had feelings for him. At first it was a simple admiration for him, then a crush, and eventually something more.

She tried her best to hide them. She thought she did a good job too because it seemed that no one, especially him, didn't notice.

And when the feelings were too much for her, trying to find their way out, she knew that if he was still avalible she'd be tempted to push her feelings on to him.

So one day she found herself yelling at him saying, "Oh for god's sake Yusuke! Just marry her already!"

She didn't know he had taken her seriously. He usually didn't. So she was dumbfounded when Kuwabara told her that he had taken her advice and proposed to Keiko.

And she swallowed hard when she heard that Keiko had said yes.

Of course she would have said yes. They had feeling for each other right? However soon the pats on the back, the joyous laughter, and the shouts of congratulation were over. When all was said and done Botan found herself walking away from Genkai's temple to the nearby stream.

And for the first time in a long time she cried.

The next months didn't get any better. She had to force herself to get up, do things for Koenma, and worse of all help for the wedding with no sign of misery.

And each time Yusuke laughed and said that it was her who finally gave him the push he needed to be where he was today, she would put on a smile even tough inside of her everything else was screaming.

Her feelings for Keiko didn't change. She was still her friend. She couldn't get mad at her.

It wasn't like she tried, but whenever Keiko would look at her with pure joy and gladness she couldn't.

And there were times when the two would just sit outside and Keiko would sigh saying it was all like a dream and that she couldn't believe it was actually happening.

"Do you think things will work out?" she would ask sometimes. Botan couldn't help but do a bittersweet smile as she answered "Of course. He loves you very much."

But today had been a very hard day for Botan. A very hard one.

Today the two had gotten married. Today Yusuke Urameshi had vowed to be with Keiko Yukimaru for the rest of their lives.

And now here she was sitting in a room all by herself with a glass of sake in her hand.

She didn't even remember how she got there. It was as if as soon as everyone got into their own conversations, she floated right out of there unseen and unheard.

From far away she heard the faint traces of laughing and singing. She smiled to herself a bit at the thought of a drunk Atsuko and Shizuru. She thought of Kuwabara flirting with Yukina only to receive death glares from Hiei. She thought of Genkai throwing insults at Yusuke, only to receive some insults of his own and a full hearty laugh.

"Yusuke…" she whispered. Saying his name made her heart painfully beat fast. She could feel the hot tears well up in her eyes.

"Yusuke." She repeated as her body began to shake. She could never have him now could she? Maybe there had been a slim chance before but not anymore. Now his door was closed and only his wife had the key. It was all over now wasn't it?

Suddenly she let out a cry and quickly covered her mouth hoping no one had heard.

"Yus…" she mumbled as the salty tears ran down her face. Her body continued to shake as she dropped the glass on the floor. She closed her eyes tight.

It was all over. It was the end for her. And it hurt. It hurt so much. She was falling, hurling through a black void and he wasn't there to catch her.

I want to…I want to… 

She felt herself falling deeper and deeper.

_I want to…I can't go on. It hurts so much. I can't take it! I want to…_

As she felt herself falling deeper into the darkness she felt her fate was about to be sealed. The decision she was about to make.

_I want to…I'm going to…_

"Botan!"

Botan's eye's flashed opened at the unexpected voice, her heart thumping loudly. She dared to look up as she saw the young red head man quickly walk up to her.

"Kurama…?" she said while heaving out a breath. Kurama now hovering over her, looked down at her, his eyes filled with worry.

"Botan are you okay?" he asked. Botan looked up at the fox demon. Before he came she was close to something. Before he came…

"Botan please answer me." Said Kurama gently putting his hands on her small shoulders. "Are you alright?"

Botan blinked. Kurama seemed awfully worried about her. Now that she thought of it, ever since Yusuke and Keiko got engaged, he had always been looking at her with a hint of something in his eyes. Was it worry?

Was he worried for her this whole time? Did he know something was wrong?

_Before he came…I was about to, I wanted to…_

That's when it hit her. She was actually looking for a way out. To embrace the darkness.

She was actually going to kill herself.

Before Kurama could ask again if she was alright, Botan practically jumped out her seat and trust her arms around him.

"Botan…" said Kurama being taken by surprise. Despite this, he gently put a hand on her head.

"Botan you…" he continued being cautious about the subject. "You love Yusuke don't you?"

Botan's head shot up, looking into his face. "You knew?" she asked somewhat surprised. She thought she hid it so well. The red head nodded his head.

"Every since Yusuke proposed, I noticed you weren't your usual happy self. Hiei and Koenma happened to notice too."

"They did?" asked Botan getting more surprised by the second. "I noticed that whenever the wedding was mention a part of your aura felt dark. So I was a bit worried when I noticed that you left the reception. I'm sorry it took me a while to realize that you were gone."

"Oh…" That was all she could say. She should be the one saying sorry. Here she was wallowing in her pity while worrying Kurama for…how long had it been since the engagement? Seven months almost?

Botan took in a breath as she put her head on Kurama's chest. It didn't matter.

"You saved me…" she whispered.

"Botan?" said Kurama who had not heard what she said. Botan shook her head and smiled a bit at him.

"Kurama…you wouldn't mind…if I stayed near you for the rest of the night. Would you?"

Kurama smiled, relived to see her smiling. "Of course not."

The rest of the night was actually fun. Botan was right about a drunk Atsuko and Shizuru. Mr. and Mrs. Yukimaru also got drunk and laughed when Hiei gave Kuwabara the biggest bump ever seen. Of course Yukina took care of it much to Hiei's annoyance.

Everyone was chattering and Botan actually laughed, something she hadn't done in a long time. Kurama was by her side all the way and Koenma along with many others told her it was good that she was really smiling again.

"Okay shut up people!" cried out Yusuke on the stage. "Oh be quiet you and give me grandchildren already!" yelled out Atsuko. Everyone in the room laughed as Keiko blushed and Yusuke rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. Anyways before me and Keiko here go we have to thank all of you for coming here tonight."

There were shouts of "of course." as Keiko continued. "We also want to thank every one of you for helping us with the preparations and getting us here."

"However we want our to give a special thanks to very special someone. This person helped us all the way and even when we fought or got into arguments she always found a way for us to make up. She's always putting others before herself, she's a good friend…"

"And man can she put someone in line!" laughed Yusuke. "Botan get up here right now!"

"Me?" gasped Botan as she looked up at Kurama. He smiled. "It's okay. I'll take you up there."

As soon as Botan got on the stage Keiko embraced her.

"Thank you for being such a good friend." She said as Yusuke came up to the two. He handed Botan a basket of flowers.

"You really deserved this Botan. You seemed kind of moody tough so I got you these flowers. Thought they would cheer you up."

"I was going to get you something expensive but Yusuke said you would like flowers instead." Smiled Keiko now holding Botan's hand. "Do you like them?"

Botan was almost at a loss for words. They were thinking about her this whole time. In fact it seemed that everyone was thinking about her. Even Hiei. She did a bright smile.

"I love them."

She still loved him too but she wouldn't tell him now. Maybe later. When she was ready.

As other people were being called on the stage, she gently smiled at Kurama who was now standing next to her. He smiled back as he gently took her hand into to his and gave it a gentle squeeze of reassurance. Botan laughed.

Who knew? By the time she did tell Yusuke that she loved him, she might already be loving someone else.

This is the LONGEST one shot I have EVER written. Who knows? If I get enough reviews I might add another chapter. Just please tell me what you think! I love to hear your opinions! Till later!

Moomoogirl1!


End file.
